


What Is This?

by SavageDarling



Category: Grace and Frankie (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-15
Updated: 2018-09-10
Packaged: 2018-11-14 11:38:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 6,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11207322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SavageDarling/pseuds/SavageDarling
Summary: It takes Grace less than a week after their falling incident to realize what it is exactly Frankie means to her. Frankie, well, she just likes the way Grace's eyes sparkle when she smiles that's all.





	1. Martini #6

It starts out simple. Grace likes the way Frankie's hair smells like weed and paint, her voice has a raspiness to it that is so seductive it could kill, and she treats Grace as an equal (most of the time). Grace loves the way her eyes always have a hint of mischief and she's always flirting with her. She likes that Frankie is always there spending time with her and she doesn't think she is ever going to date again. She doesn't want to talk to Nick or Phil or Guy. All she wants is to spend the rest of her days with Frankie in their home, their beach house. But she doesn't know what any of that means. She likes Frankie and she can't imagine life without her and it reminds her of Robert. The way he loves Sol and it makes her think.

Then the fall happens. Frankie's under her telling her how beautiful she is and she can't function so she laughs it off and says thank you. They argue about whose fault it is and who they should call. It feels so much like a marriage to Grace and she wonders if that's it. That's the thing she couldn't place a week ago. That this thing she feels for Frankie isn't friendship and she wonders if it ever was. Has it always been this big grand thing? Has it always been more than I hate you and friendship? She calls Robert two days later for a heart to heart over martinis. She even surprised herself when she does so. She wonders if she's surprised Robert and Sol too.

She knocks tentatively on the door and wonders why she isn't shocked that Sol answers. "You know I'm glad you and Robert are friends and talking again. Its been a rough couple of years for all four of us and can you believe it's been three years-"

"Sol I'm happy you're happy about all of this but please shut the fuck up."

He moves to let her in the house then and says, "Sorry Grace hope you and Robert have a nice lunch."

"Thank you Sol," she says as she moves past him towards the kitchen. Robert is standing there looking at her over his glasses. He laughs at what she is sure is her exchange with Sol. He then passes her a martini before she even sits down.

He watches her drink the martini before speaking. "So Grace," he says. "What's the special occasion because you could drink a martini alone. Or even with Frankie."

She twirls the martini glass a little and looks up at Robert. She takes a short breath before speaking. "When we were married did you ever notice anything about me?"

Robert looks taken aback. "Isn't that a little heavy for one martini Grace?"

God of course it is and she's doing all of this wrong. She laughs and holds back tears. "Look Robert, I'm sorry I just really need your help and I don't know how to go about it."

Robert looks somewhat anxious and maybe even scared. When he and Grace had been married she'd never shown emotion like this. Not with him around at least. He moves to take a seat next to her at the bar. "You've got my full attention and interest," he says turning towards her.

"God, Robert, I don't know how to do any of this. How did you do this for so many years?"

"Grace what is all of this about? You aren't making any sense. Are you high? Is this about that guy Nick? Or Brianna?" He's confused. He's never dealt with an upset Grace before. 

"God no not Nick it's Frankie. Robert, its Frankie and I think it's always been Frankie." She sounds like she might start crying and her lip twitches at the end of her sentence.

"Oh, okay," he says thinking about it. He doesn't get it. What about Frankie? And then a lightbulb switches in his head and he glances at Sol standing in the kitchen doorway and he knows exactly what's always been Frankie. "How long have you know for sure?"

"Since we both fell." It's quiet and her head is almost against the counter. Robert takes the glass of what he realizes is not her first martini of the day. 

Robert pauses before handing Grace another full martini glass. She downs it like water and Robert eyes Sol willing him to leave him and Grace. Sol slowly backs away and obliges. Grace looks at him finally because it's been almost a minute and he still hasn't responded.

"Tell me what to do Robert please! I'm so fucking lost and confused and I'm scared out of my mind." She yells at him and slaps her hand on the counter raising her head away from the counter. 

He takes a breath and says, "Let's not pretend you don't already know what I'm going to say Grace."

"Can we please pretend?" She asks. "I need you to tell me out loud. I need to hear it so I know I'm not going to go crazy."

He glances at her. "Okay, Grace. But if you don't like it don't blame me." He moves off the counter and around to the other side of the island to face her. "You love Frankie the way that I love Sol and you can't live without her. So you are going to tell her not to go to Santa Fe for you. You are going to explain that you can't imagine this world without her and you're going to tell her you love her. Maybe you'll cry or maybe you'll be fine. Either way you'll tell her what you told me. It's always been Frankie."

She closes her eyes and stands. "What if I can't?"

He reaches across and grabs her hand. "Then you'll lose her Grace. You'll lose Frankie the way I almost lost Sol."

She hates that he's right. Hates that she feels like crying and Grace hates that she's so in love with Frankie it might kill her. But if this is how Robert felt about Sol she realizes it's worth it. Its worth risking death for a love like Frankie.


	2. Feelings and Shit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Grace has had seven martinis and she just can't face Frankie yet. So who does she turn to after leaving Robert and Sol's? Brianna.

She's had seven martinis. Seven, maybe more. Scratch that, probably more, and she is in no state to go back to that big house where Frankie is going to pester her to no end about Robert and Sol and why "on Gods beautiful earth" she stayed there till 12:30. She'll ask her about the bags under her eyes and if she's eaten today(she hasn't). So she asks Sol to drive her over to Brianna's because Robert's almost as far gone as she is. She's sure he needed to be, to hear her talk about Frankie (and to listen to Sol all day long).

She's out the door with barely a goodbye to Robert. That's just the way they are. Not many courtesies or manners. Ever since she convinced him Sol was worth keeping they've become much closer. She doesn't keep up a face and he doesn't pretend to be any less gay than he is. She wishes Robert was the one driving her home though. He'd probably just sing some tunes from some Broadway musical she'd never heard of and she'd rest her eyes. No stress, no emotions, just a car ride to Brianna's.

But he's not sober enough to drive and Sol offers so she accepts. Once in the car she expects Sol to speak first and for the first couple minutes of their very long car ride he doesn't. Not a peep. So she speaks.

"How have things been with Robert?" She hates asking about feelings but this is Sol so she does.

Before she knows what she's done Sol is off, "I'm so glad you asked! Robert and I are doing great and we've settled into the new house quite nicely. He even cooked me breakfast this morning! We've also been spending more time with his theatre friends and they're really very lovely people. How have things been with Frankie?"

She's blinking slowly trying to process all that he says through seven martinis, or was it eight? Either way he asked about how things were with Frankie, right? "Sub-par, at best," she says. 

Sol relaxes a little into his seat. "What do you mean?" He asks.

"I don't know," She replies. "Just that it's been pretty weird since Jacob asked her to move to Santa Fe with him." That's all."

"That's a lot, Grace. A whole lot of something for, that's all." She hates that he's right and looking at her in that sad way.

"Well it's Frankie and I've already explained to her that I can't decide for her whether she goes or stays." She huffs and rolls her eyes. She can taste the martini on her breathe but she doesn't care.

"You aren't wrong. Anything else you wanna ask me. I'm an open book! Just shoot away," he is just too happy for her liking so she doesn't respond right away.

After a minute though he's still staring at her so she takes a deep breathe and responds. "I don't want Frankie to leave and I think she wants to. That's why it's sub par at our house right now." She hates the words the minute they leave her mouth. They taste sad and bitter, like the emotions that had driven her to her fourth martini.

Sol glances over at her like she didn't just tell him something important. Like he already knew. "Is that it?" He asks.

She turns to him, squinting her eyes. She doesn't wanna discuss that anymore so she changes the topic and asks him a question about him and Frankie instead. "The only other thing I want is to know how in the hell you lived with Frankie for forty years. It's only been three and she's already wearing my ass out."

Sol laughs and raises his bushy eyebrows. "We were younger then so I could handle more, but also don't be mistaken I loved her!"

She doesn't really thing about what she says next, "Well so do I but I'm still tired as fuck."

Sol stops laughing then and gives her a timid smile. Like she might bite off his head or something. "I know you do Grace. Doesn't make being with Frankie any easier."

She hates all these emotions and shit. She crosses her arms and glances off out the window before saying, "You're right, but I wouldn't trade her for the world."

Sol has curved his body inward towards the steering wheel now. As if to shield himself from her and her emotions. She wants to run, to hide, to throw up any and everything in her stomach. Even though she knows there's nothing there. 

"I'm not going to hurt you Sol. You don't have to be afraid of me." She glances over at his meek expression of what she can't discern. It's either pity or fear.

No matter which it is he responds anyway. "Oh Grace. Someone in love with Frankie is someone anyone would fear. And you're no exception Grace. Frankie's quite the hurricane and anyone brave enough to live through it and love it afterwards should be feared. Especially you. You not only love and braved the storm but you fight her," his voice gets quieter then and Grace has turned her body back to face him. "And that's something not even I was ever able to do," he finishes.

"Oh God Sol. Please don't get mushy on me now. I don't know how much more emotional shit I can handle." She uncrosses her arms and runs a hand through her hair.

"I'm dropping you off at Brianna's so the minute you leave this car emotions will be long gone," Sol says in a rather matter of fact way. Like it's the most obvious thing ever.

She laughs a little at that and says, "Oh don't I know it buddy. Nothing like what would happen if you'd taken me home to Frankie."

"You seem to put up with her emotions quite well."

She shrugs her shoulders. "Well, it's either emotions or no Frankie and one of those isn't even an option."

She knows what statements like these mean now. Since Robert finally said the words aloud. Since he said what she'd been thinking for weeks, maybe longer. It means she needs Frankie. The way a martini needs an olive and a painting needs passion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wasn't planning on even writing this so soon but the mood struck me. I'm not sure how long this work is gonna be but I got a lot more to go through with these two ladies!


	3. Let's Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Once Grace gets to Brianna's shit gets real.

When Sol finally drops her off at Brianna's and leaves its 1:00 am and Grace is surprised Brianna isn't killing her with her bare hands. Brianna doesn't really say anything and she'd expected that, expected a stone wall to be her daughters front. She leads Grace to the guest bedroom even though she'd insisted she could just sleep in the couch, but she was 71 and didn't really care enough to argue with her daughter.

Once in the room, before Brianna had even left, the floodgates let loose. She'd been expecting tears but not so soon. As in she hadn't expected them at all, or at least not until she confronted Frankie. She tries to hide the tears from Brianna but she'd raised a smart and observant daughter who gave no fucks about giving people space.

"What the fuck is going on mom?" Brianna questioned. She sat down on the bed next to Grace and crossed her arms.

"It's complicated," Grace responded.

"Seems to be a running theme with this family. You and dad get divorced after 40 years and it's complicated. Dad and Sol get married and it's complicated. You're at my house at one in the morning crying and it's complicated?" Brianna brought a hand to her temple and started rubbing. 

Grace wiped away a few stray tears and responded, "You are the one who doesn't like to talk about emotions. Please don't let me be the one to change that." 

"Oh boy," Brianna responded sarcastically, "If I'd known this was how you coming over was going to go I would have had two bottles of wine instead of one. And I would have locked myself in my closet and pretended I wasn't here."

Grace snorted. "Now there's the Brianna I know. All stone walls, sarcastic comments, and jokes to hide behind so you don't have to deal with emotions."

"And who do you think taught me all that?" Brianna threw back. 

Grace laughed and glanced up. "Look I get it, but this is some heavy stuff Brianna. Do you really think you're ready?"

"Have you been having an affair for the last 20 years?" Brianna asked.

"Absolutely not," Grace responded, offense evident in her voice. "Are you ready now," she continued.

"Of course not. Go ahead and tell me anyway."

"It's going to be hard to hear and you may not understand completely," Grace reasoned.

"Doesn't mean I still don't want to hear it," Brianna deadpanned.

"Okay, but just remember I warned you." She took a deep and sobering breath before continuing on with her confession. "I'm in love with Frankie," Grace said in a rush without looking up at Brianna.

Brianna's eyes went wide with fear. "Oh God mom did you and Frankie, ya know?"

Grace gasped. "No, no, no you've got it wrong I haven't even told her yet. She's planning on going to Santa Fe with Jacob in a week." 

Brianna stood up and put a hand to her head. "Woah, hold up a minute. The yam farmer wants to wisk Frankie away from her kids, her best friend, and her ex husband and take her to Santa Fe?"

Grace shook her head yes in response.

"And you're just going to let him do that? Just take the woman you love away?" Brianna moved her hands to her hips and looked at her mother in disbelief.

"Look Sweetie," Grace started, " I haven't even thought this through. All I want is for everything to go back to the way it was before all this Santa Fe business."

Brianna paced for a couple minutes. She kept opening her mouth but shaking her head and shutting it. Grace was perplexed at Brianna's actions. She didn't understand them one bit. All she wanted was sleep. Seven martinis could make a woman's body crave sleep like someone craving water in the middle of the desert.

When Brianna did finally respond her remark shook Grace. "Look mom, I get it. You want Frankie happy which is totally cool and all but no matter what she decides shits going to change for both of you.The change all depends on whether Frankie decides to run off to Santa Fe or stay with you in the beach house. You get what I'm saying mom?"

Brianna was crouching in front of Grace now. Holding her hands through her whole response. Grace thought on the question for a minute and finally responded. "Yes, I just might," she responded. 

"Well, good," Brianna responded while standing up, "because emotions make me sick so I need to go throw up in the bathroom." She ran out of the room then.

Grace sat and thought over her many conversations about Frankie throughout the day and she also thought about those seven martinis. Oh who was she kidding. Nine, it was nine martinis. Almost double digits. She remembered knocking each one back because she needed to. She needed a martini to stop all the thoughts about Frankie from coming up.

She thinks about Brianna throwing up because emotions and realizes she needs to get to the guest bathroom before she throws up all over the bedsheets. That's just what nine alcoholic beverages will do to a person she guesses. That's just what Frankie can do to a person, she's sure of.


	4. The Morning After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Grace Hanson loves Frankie Bergstein, and the thought alone scares her more than anything else in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Its been a long time since I last updated and I'm super busy but Grace Hanson is my life and I love her and aspire to be her. So here's the update.

24 hours ago Frankie Bergstein and Grace Hanson were living their lives as best friends, without any complications or interruptions. Now, however, Grace was waking up at her daughter's house with a massive hangover and the thought that she really DID NOT want to see Frankie. Like,ever, if she could help it.

She could drive to Las Vegas right now, if she weren't so hungover that is. She could go anywhere. Anywhere but home, where Frankie would be waiting for an explanation she wasn't ready to give. Anywhere but back to last night where she confessed her love of Frankie to Sol, Robert, and Brianna. Oh dear God, Brianna's going to fucking kill her for last night. Grace shakes the thoughts from her head when she hears a voice. 

"Hey mom," Brianna yelled from the kitchen, "I'm fixing myself a glass of orange juice. Want some?"

"Yes." She yelled back. When she walked in the kitchen there were four aspirin and a glass of OJ waiting for her. She'd cleaned herself off in the guest bathroom that morning but was still dressed in her button up shirt and black fitted pants. 

Brianna looked her up and down before saying, "You know, you look like one of those power suit lesbians who works at like a law firm or something. The popped collar thing is super gay. I'm surprised I've never noticed."

Grace laughed and almost spilled her drink all over herself. "Didn't realize I was so obvious. Excuse me."

"I'm just preparing you for what happens when you come out to Frankie, that's all. But also,well, its true." Brianna popped a couple aspirin into her mouth and downed her drink like it was something a hell of a lot stronger than orange juice.

"Tell me again why I came here instead of Mallory's house," Grace sighed.

"Because its like the fucking Brady Bunch over there and alcohol is not good around kids." Brianna paused for a minute and when Grace didn't respond she continued. "You wanna talk about last night? Or maybe, perhaps, what's gonna happen when you go home to Frankie?"

Grace shook her head, "Not in the slightest bit," she responded.

"How about I tell you some stuff Frankie's told me. It'll make you feel less like jumping off a seven story building." Brianna tilted her head and gave her mother a 'I really hate this but I feel like I've got no other choice' kind of smile.

"Okay, but you might want to make it fast or I'll change my mind," Grace responded.

"Frankie's in love with you," Brianna started.

Grace laughed and almost snorted orange juice up her nose.

"Now just hear me out. I've got some fucking fantastic evidence," Brianna continued. "Do you remember when you were with Phil and Frankie was with me going over her lube stuff?"

"I'm trying not to for Christ's sake."

Brianna rolls her eyes and continues. "Anyway, I came over after you went to bed and me and Frankie went and smoked on the back porch. She got so high that night and she started telling me how shitty she felt for sleeping with Sol and I told her that Sol and Dad would be fine. Do you know what she was really worried about?" 

Grace shook her head no and leaned in towards Brianna, raising a questioning eyebrow.

Brianna took a deep breath, "She was worried she'd hurt you or that you might be mad at her. She was worried that she might ruin what she had with you. I told her about how you were really with Phil, not Mallory, and she lost her shit mom. Told me she hated Dad for keeping you hidden away all those years and that she hated Sol for not letting her get on with her life sooner because if you'd both been given half a chance you'd have loved sooner and that you, mom, deserved all the love a person could give."

Grace wiped at tears she hadn't realized she'd been crying. She blew her nose into a tissue Brianna handed her and dabbed at her eyes with the other end of it. "If Frankie's so in love with me then why is she going to Santa Fe with Jacob?"

"Because you aren't giving her any inclination that you love her back. You aren't giving her a reason to stay. Dammit mom, I've heard that woman make a pass at you on more than one occasion!" Brianna was close to losing her cool and put her hands against her temple. She rubbed the stress away.

Grace flinched not only at her daughter's volume but also at the words she spoke. The truth of it all hit her square in the chest. "We need to go. Now," Grace said, standing up from the bar stool.

Brianna grimaced at the knowledge of having to return her mother to the beach house to confess her love for Frankie. "You know," she said, "being your daughter should be a paying job with the amount of work I put in."

Grace laughed before saying, "oh I paid for everything for you for 18 years I think you can manage this one thing. Now take me home before I lose my nerve."

When Brianna dropped her off at the beachouse Grace took a couple minutes before walking inside. 

Frankie was sitting on the couch wrapped in one of Graces designer fleece blankets that, in the words of Frankie, "were made in order to help the government in their plan to stack the one percent against the common people to a point where people like Frankie couldn't get a decent batch of weed anymore." Things like that made no sense to her but she listened to Frankie anyway. Grace went over and pulled the blanket up so it covered Frankie almost up to her shoulders. 

As she got up to go into the kitchen a hand yanked her down and suddenly Frankie was burrowing her head into the crook of Grace's neck, holding onto her for dear life. If Grace couldn't hear Frankie's unique snoring habit she'd swear the woman was awake.

She prayed Frankie wouldn't wake up, but then the house phone rang and Frankie was up in a flash, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. The only thing Grace could think to say was, "Welp, isn't this fucking fantastic."


	5. Oh Dear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a short little thing about how Grace and Frankie handle each other after everything that's been going on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ummmmm so it's been a while and I've just been super busy with school and I'm sorry so here's a short thing I just banged out.

She'd been in situations like this before plenty of times. But now, with the knowledge that she was pretty sure she damn well couldn't go on without Frankie in her life, the situation was terrifying to say the least.

She flashes back then, to two months ago. In the early days of Jacob.

_"Hey Frankie. Could you come get your  'hat' out of the fridge?" Grace called out._

_Frankie came into the kitchen from the dining room finishing off a brownie Grace was sure had a lot more than chocolate in it. She glided over and stopped right in front of Grace, close enough for her to see the wrinkles around Frankie's eyes._

_"Thanks babe! I've been looking for this for like a week. You're my saving grace. Get it? My saving Grace!"_

_Frankie started giggling then and tripped over her dress. In the process, she fell straight into her arms and Grace struggled to hold them both up. When Frankie looked up at Grace there faces were inches apart and Frankie looked like she needed to say something important._

_All that she heard from Frankie was, "Get any surgery you want Grace but don't you dare ever change those eyes."_

_And then a second later Frankie was off swaying towards the beach._

When Grace thought back to that moment something always strikes her as funny. Frankie hadn't even been staring at her eyes. She'd been staring at Grace's lips. It was all a very Frankie moment and Grace had loved the closeness.

But then there were moments like these where Frankie was wrapped so tightly around her waist she was sure she couldn't breath, and oh damnit she couldn't. These stupid moments where Frankie made it so she couldn't breathe, or think, or speak for that matter. Grace started moving Frankie off of her and she was almost successful, almost.

When Frankie woke up it was like a shock went through her body. Grace wasn't sure she'd ever seen Frankie move quite that fast. Frankie looked like she was ready to claw Grace's eyes out, until she saw that it was in fact Grace. 

"Jesus fucking Christ Grace. Where have you been? You smell like a recently cleaned bottle of booze. I deserve something or other for why you disappeared and have been ignoring my calls and texts." Frankie was so far from sleep now that Grace wondered if she ever really was asleep.

Grace took a moment to calm herself before answering Frankie's question. "First, I was with Robert and Sol. Then I spent the night at Brianna's where I sobered up after, let's just say, an extensive amount of vodka and martinis. And I've been slightly preoccupied and intoxicated so my phone was not my top priority." She turns her body away from Frankie's. Attempting to distance herself from the situation.

Frankie gasped and raised a hand to her chest. "Are you saying I'm not your top priority? I'm appalled." 

Grace started fuming at the comment. Her anger bubbled and she couldn't seem to help herself, or didn't care enough to stop the words. "Oh see Frankie you don't get to do that, play _that_ card. At least, not anymore." She stormed off into the kitchen then, her stomach rumbling.

Frankie followed close behind, arms crossed. "Now what in the name of John Lennon are you talking about?"

it would be an easier action, a very Grace action, to just turn laugh it off. To say you were only kidding. But she wasn't kidding and Frankie, all that she was, needed to hear her.

Grace pulled half a pre-made sandwich out of the fridge and turned towards Frankie. "Oh come on Frankie, don't act surprised. You're leaving for Santa Fe in two weeks. Did you think I wouldn't care?"

"Now that's not fair Grace. You told me to go live my life. I'm just doing what you told me to do, and I'm done with this conversation." Frankie turned and started walking out of the kitchen.

Grace takes a shot at Frankie then, just like she had at that dummy. Except for this time she uses words instead of a gun. She sets the food down and speaks then, "Is that how you made it through 40 years of marriage?"

Frankie turned abruptly, face contorted in shock, "Excuse me?"

"I said," Grace started, making her way towards Frankie, "Is that the way you made it through 40 years married to Sol? Running from every single problem the world throws your way?"

Frankie looked like she'd been slapped across the face and to an extent she had been, in a way only Grace could. "Oh and pray tell your Highness, what was I supposed to do? Drown my sorrows in a vat of vodka? Or just pretend it isn't happening?"

Grace stalked towards Frankie until they were directly in front of each other. "Oh I know I deal with my problems terribly and I never really loved Robert so how could I understand what you went through, but atleast I know I've got a fucking problem with the way I deal with emotions, but atleast you don't have to be afraid I'll run away if the going gets tough." The words felt awful the moment they left her lips, but she had to. Everything needed to be out in the open.

"That was a cheap shot Grace," Frankie responded sounding defeated and hurt.

"Not as cheap as running off to Santa Fe and putting the blame on me." Grace spit the words back at Frankie.

"I never said I blamed you. You just never asked me to stay Grace," Frankie yelled. 

Grace was bubbling again and then it all came out at once. "Oh please tell me how I, your best friend, was supposed to react when the man you're in love with wanted to whisk you away to one of the most Frankie cities on the planet? Was I supposed to tell you go have a good time or how I really feel?" 

"How you really feel, Grace! That's all I asked from you." Frankie hands were clenched right at her side.

"Dear God," Grace said, hand on her face, "I wanted you to stay here with me, for me. I wanted you to choose me, without me begging on my hands and knees. I wanted to tell you I love you. I wanted you to already know I loved you. I wanted you not to freak out when you found out I loved you. I wanted you to say 'I love you' back to me. It was crazy and insane but I wanted to live my life with you. I wanted to be Robert and Sol but better. I wanted you to take me to an AA meeting and I wanted to take you to fancy restaurants for family dinners. I just wanted you to know how I really felt about you. How's that for honestly?"

The last thing she hears before blacking out is Frankie saying, "Oh Grace, I knew," and then, darkness. 

 


	6. Maybe Baby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let me say it’s been a hell of a school year and I haven’t really had time to write and I apologize for that. Also season four was legit.

When Grace finally opens her eyes there’s something blocking the light from her eyes. After she blinks a couple of times  
She realizes it’s Frankie leaning over her and holding her. She reaches up and touches Frankie’s hair.

“You won’t believe the nightmmare I just had.” Grace chuckles at the mere thought of what she’d imagined herself doing.

“Oh hun,” Frankie whispers, “It wasn’t a dream. It was real life.”

Grace quickly gets off and away from Frankie, scooting herself back on the floor. “What?”

Frankie stands up after Grace does following her as she walks backwards towards the kitchen. “I’m sorry. I never had the courage to say anything and then Jacob came along and I love him I really do and I couldn’t break his heart without being sure you loved me as much as I loved you.”

Grace continues backing up around the kitchen island, trying desperately to put space between them. She speaks then, “So what Frankie? You’re the one who gets to decide when things happen and whose heart to break. Because by not breaking Jacob you were breaking mine.”

Frankie reached for Grace but Grace was still circling the island away from her. “I’m sorry Grace. So fucking sorry okay.”

Grace stops then and wraps her arms around herself. “So what now?” She asks. “Are you just going to break his heart now?” 

The look on Frankie’s face gives Grace her answer. Frankie can’t break Jacob. “I’m sorry Grace.”


	7. So Far Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frankie and Grace really hash some shit out and Grace calls someone to come get her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW has it really been that long since I last updated this. oops on my part. let me fix that now.

There's an island between Grace and Frankie now, and not just a literal one. There's a whole big, huge fucking island with a dense forest between them and Grace doesn't know how to get rid of it or get around it. Maybe she doesn't want to get around it, she just wants to burn the whole thing to the damn ground. Grace can't even handle little things so she really, really, really, really can't handle this. She pulls her cell phone out of her pocket, which is somehow miraculously still alive, and makes a call.

"Talk to me Grace, please." Frankie is begging her but neither of them moves their ground. 

As the phone rang Grace's breath almost turned into a sob. "I can't Frankie. You've made it very clear that you're going to Santa Fe and I can't handle that. So NO Frankie I won't talk to you."

Frankie doesn't respond. She looks down at the ground, her long hair covering whatever reaction Grace's words have elicited out of her. 

Finally Grace's call goes through and within a minute the conversation is done. "I'm leaving the house in 30 minutes and I'm not coming back until you've left for Santa Fe."

Frankie's head shoots up, her mouth opening in protest. "What? That's crazy Grace." Frankie is wrapping her arms tighter and tighter around her frame. Her usually baggy attire is being pushed hard against her skin. 

Grace laughs then. She laughs so hard she starts crying and it has been so long since Grace has cried like this, especially in front of Frankie but these last couple months are tearing her apart. "You realize I just told you I loved you and you just sort of said you loved me back, but you're leaving with Jacob to go to Santa Fe anyway, right? You realize how fucking crazy all of this is, right?"

Grace is gripping the island so hard her knuckles are turning white, at least whiter than they usually are. She's so angry at Frankie. Frankie who just said she knew Grace was in love with her and knew she loved her back. Frankie whose hair is just so fucking amazing that Grace can't help but stare, even now, at the different grays intermingling together on her head. She shouldn't have to be doing this. Life isn't supposed to be this hard and complicated in your 70s. 

Frankie starts to walk towards Grace but Grace yells "STOP," immediately and Frankie listens. 

"I can never apologize enough for this Grace, but I can't afford to get hurt by you the way I was hurt by Sol. I love you Grace, but I can't pretend I don't love Jacob too." Frankie sounds so tired and Grace wonders if she sounds that tired, she imagines she does. 

"Don't you apologize to me again Frankie, not about this because you apologizing is what makes you feel better about breaking me and I don't ever want you to feel good about breaking me. Do you want me to pretend I think you should choose Jacob over me? Do you want me to pretend I don't feel like you just stabbed me with a fucking kitchen knife? Do you want me to pretend I'm not just as scared of you hurting me? I can't pretend anymore Frankie and I'm prepared to get hurt if it means I get you." 

She covers her chest with one hand and wraps the other around her waist, her body lets out a long sigh. She stands there ready to sob, tells herself that sobbing in front of Frankie is going to cause more harm than good. She should know better than to let all of her emotions get the better of her, but this is just what Frankie does to her. Frankie doesn't respond to her so Grace walks to the stairs mumbling that she needs to grab a few things. 

"Wait, Grace. At least let me leave. You shouldn't have to leave the beach house. I can go." Grace is standing at the bottom of the stairs and Frankie is still standing in the kitchen. Neither of them acknowledge that Frankie means she can go stay with Jacob.

"My ride will be here in 15 minutes Frankie. Being here makes me think of you and I'd rather never think of you again if that's okay with you." Then Grace is trudging up the stairs without even a look back behind her to see if Frankie is upset or not. 

Grace packs her bag slowly. The less time she has to spend in Frankie's presence the better. After about 10 minutes of packing she lugs her bag downstairs hesitantly. She glances around and sees no Frankie so she goes to the fridge and grabs a water bottle, she can't afford to drink anymore right now, especially not in this house with Frankie somewhere near her. Then the door bell rings suddenly. 

"I'm coming." She shouts to the door. She answers it and Sol walks in she hands him her bag and they go to leave but before they're even out the door Frankie is back.

"You called Sol?" Somehow Frankie's words sting her even though they shouldn't. Even though Sol isn't just Frankie's friend anymore. 

"Yeah I called Sol. I knew he'd help me out. Never thought I'd have to, but you proved me wrong yet again." Grace grabs her bag from Sol's hand and pushes her way past him heading to the car.

The minute Grace's back is turned Frankie starts crying silent tears. Sol starts to move to comfort her and thinks better of it. "Look Frankie," he starts. "I get that you're scared. I mean I was terrified when I had to tell you about Robert, but she loves you Frankie just as much as I did."

Frankie wipes her face. "That's what terrifies me Sol. I can't go through with her what I went through with you. It will literally be the death of me."

Sol twists his hands together and rocks on his heels for a second before saying, "She's not me Frankie and you aren't Robert. You and her aren't me and Robert. You're far better, especially at talking. It took me twenty years to admit I loved Robert. It took Grace only three to admit she loved you. Try not to keep her waiting another 20 years to really be with her the way I kept Robert waiting." 

Sol turns to leave when Frankie speaks. "Wait Sol." He turns to look at her and she's walking over to him. Frankie places a blanket in his hand. "Give this to her. Please. It's one of the only physical things that connects the both of us."

He leaves then and Frankie's crying in the house, door closed, and Grace is sobbing silently in the car, tinted windows put up. When Sol gets into the drivers seat he sets the blanket in Grace's lap. She cries harder and he hasn't even told her what Frankie said. He hates that he's the one who did this to her because if he hadn't broken Frankie then maybe she'd be able to let Grace love her and let herself love Grace right back. 

They drive back to Robert and Sol's house and Grace cries the whole ride. When they get to the house Robert comes outside to greet them and Grace surprises both of them with her first request, "I'm so grateful to both of you but if it isn't too much trouble I'd like some food." 

Grace walks past them into the house and a flabbergasted Robert and Sol follow behind.


End file.
